Puck's badass foolproof plan to get Berry
by Chase.M206
Summary: Senior year, Puck's about to start his badass rein as top dog, but one things missing: A nice sexy female Jew to be at his side. That's when he comes up with the perfect, badass foolproof plan... but isit as foolproof as he thinks or is he the fool?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Puck's badass foolproof plan to get Berry.

**Rating: **M for language (namely Puck's potty mouth) and themes of a sexual nature.**  
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**Pairing: **PuckleBerry. MatTana. The 'Inns'. BrIke.**  
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**Spoilers: **None. Set after Regionals**.  
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**Summary:** Beginning of Puck's Senior year, he's about to start his badass rein as top dog, but one things missing: A nice sexy female Jew to be at his side. That's when he comes up with the perfect, badass foolproof plan... but isit as foolproof as he thinks or is he the fool?

**Disclaimer:** I acknowledge that I own nothing, just the plot for this story. If I did... Puck would be shirtless ALL THE TIME and dating Rachel!

**Note: **Totally random, practically sprung itself on me. Just a small multi-chaptered fic. But beware, as it's going to be so small I haven't searched for a beta so there are risks of spelling,punctuation and grammatical errors. I apologize in advance. Hope you all like this fic, review and let me know what you think. I'm debating on whether or not to post a separate fic of this story, but from Rachel's perspective. Enjoy...**  
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**Part One.**

The final bell rang through the empty halls of William McKinley high school signaling a new day, the first day of the new school year. All at once class room doors slammed against walls with loud thuds as students rushed to escape homeroom, filling the deserted halls with a sea of students, each desperate not to be late for first period and have to face the wrath of their teachers.

One student standing out from the rest.

Noah Puckerman stormed through the bustling crowded hallway of students, a fierce scowl adorning his sharp face, a scowl that showed he was in no mood for peoples bullshit today, something the students were well aware of and went to extreme measures to avoid. But if one was to look closely, they'd see the small smirk that was tugging at his lips as they parted like the red sea for him. Some, almost unconsciously.

As he sauntered down the hallways, he thrived off the feeling. It was his first day of Senior year and he was top dog, as he rightfully should be. Last Summer after Regionals, Finn had stepped down from his position as Quarter Back as he was trying to fix his relationship with Quinn and all the extended practise he had wasn't helping. Puck immediately got recruited as QB, _of course_, and everyone knew it. And while Puck wanted to be pissed that Quinn had went scrambling back to Finn, he couldn't be, because for once _he _got the chance to be number one at something. And hell, being QB was better then being Quinn's boyfriend, sure he loved her, but only for giving him his daughter - _Beth. _But then she had gone and screwed that up by putting her up for adoption. So yeah, he was top dog around here now and he _fucking _loved it. It didn't hurt that he'd grew back his hawk over the Summer either. _That shit along with being QB was going to get him pussy galore._

So if his life seemed to be going so perfect, then why the foul mood you ask? Well originally when he'd gotten up this morning he was fine and dandy, psyched to begin his badass rein at WMHS as a Senior. But then his Ma had started rattling his ass: 'Noah I'm fed up of all these skanky non-Jewish ho bags you've had over all Summer whilst watching your sister. It stops now, and you _will_ find your stupid ass a beautiful, nice, _Jewish _girlfriend or so help me!' And that wasn't even the half of it! Seriously, women was batshit crazy. _Jewish this, Jewish that. _Why couldn't she just get off his case? This year was supposed to be freaking perfect and it _was _going to be if he had his way. "Don't you worry Ma, I'll have a nice _sexy _Jew as my girl by the end of the week." he had smirked before kissing her cheek and calling goodbye (_she might be batshit crazy, but she was his ma. He's still badass, got the guns to prove it!_) as he headed for his Wrangler, smirking widely at the site of the bright red 4x4.

Over the Summer his deadbeat Dad had dropped by the Puckerman household and practically begged to be allowed back in their lifes. _So not badass. _Puck had been ready to swing for the dude as had his Ma, (_yeah that's where he got the badassness from believe it or not_) when his sperm-doner had mentioned that he had a comfy paying job and had come into a ton of money because of his Mom's recent passing. To this, Arin Puckerman smirked widely, and invited him inside to discuss visitation rights.

Basically sperm-doner was allowed to see Puck and Danni twice a week to try and build a relationship, and while Puck would normally complain, how could he? dude brought him a brand new badass jeep! And as much as Puck hated to admit it and wanted to beat him to a pulp, it was kind of cool to have him back around, it didn't hurt that he was buying Puck anything he wanted and had managed to charm his Ma into letting Puck have a tattoo done. A badass tribal on his left gun and slightly on his neck. Plus, the dude was kinda cool.

Everything was basically going fanfuckingtab, just one problem: the sexy Jew girlfriend.

He knew who he was going to ask, there is only a _small _Jewish community in Lima, and Rachel Berry was the hottest chick there. Hell, Puck would even go as far to say she was one of the hottest chicks in the school. _No shit, have you seen her legs? and her mouth... god her mouth  
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And whys that a problem you wonder? Because even though he is a fine ass piece of man meat, this is _Rachel freaking Berry _we're talking about. The girl who was loved up with Finn and kissed the ground his friend walked on. Finn being back with Quinn wouldn't stop her, and she wouldn't let anything distract her from getting Finn, and girl had some crazyass determination and could get _anything _she wanted.

But that was kosher, and it wasn't a problem no more. Know why? Because he was Noah 'Puck' fucking Puckerman, and he had a badass plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Puck's badass foolproof plan to get Berry.

**Rating: **M for language (namely Puck's potty mouth) and themes of a sexual nature.**  
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**Pairing: **PuckleBerry. MatTana. The 'Inns'. BrIke.**  
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**Spoilers: **None. Set after Regionals**.  
**

**Summary:** Beginning of Puck's Senior year, he's about to start his badass rein as top dog, but one things missing: A nice sexy female Jew to be at his side. That's when he comes up with the perfect, badass foolproof plan... but isit as foolproof as he thinks or is he the fool? Slightly AU

**Disclaimer:** I acknowledge that I own nothing, just the plot for this story. If I did... Puck would be shirtless ALL THE TIME and dating Rachel!

**Note: **Thank you to those who added this story to their favourites, put it on their alerts or review. You are awesome. Here's chapter two, after this there shall be another two chapters and then it should be done. Might write it from Rachel's perspective. :)**  
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**Part Two.**

The day had surprisingly breezed by up to lunch, considering that it was the first day back to school after Summer break, and Puck had yet to see one Rachel Berry. In fact he hadn't really seen any of the Glee kids, minus Finn and Quinn who shared Puck's classes. (since when had the pair of them got back together?) But that was because while him, Finn and Quinn were Seniors, the rest of the group were only Juniors. And the two love birds hadn't seen nor heard from anyone either.

It was almost as if they were deliberately avoiding the trio. But Puck knew that wasn't the case though.

Santana and Brittany were juniors and he didn't really have a need to see the pair except Glee, there was no way he was tapping Santana's crazy ass again - he'd made that mistake Sophomore and Junior year. Don't get him wrong, Santana was a cool chick, just not when she was pining after his ass. It was weird them not being around, only last year they had shared the small group of friends and been with each other practically day in day out. But Santana and Quinn weren't on the best of terms right not because Santana's still pissed about everything that went down, and well Brittany, she just followed Santana like a lost puppy. It didn't surprise him that Santana and Quinn were avoiding one another, they hadn't ever _really _been friends before, they just shared mutual interest: Cheerios, Brittany and Glee. But Quinn wasn't back on the squad, and well, Brittany went where ever Santana did and Glee wasn't until after lunch.

Mike and Matt were also juniors, but he'd be seeing them later at foot-ball practise.

And while he did genuinely like Artie, (dude was insane on the guitar) Tina, (a secret sort of badass, the whole vamp thing with Figgins? awesome) Mercedes and Kurt, (the two were kinda alright, weird, but alright) he didn't really care where they were. Rachel on the other hand...

He hadn't seen Rachel or heard her loud mouth at all today, and that was freaking weird because she's Rachel big mouth Berry. There was no way she would miss school, let alone the first day, so she was definitely in... but where was she hiding?

Well it was lunch now, so she wouldn't be hiding much longer. "Come out, come out where ever you are Berry!" he chuckled.

Shrugging off his new letterman jacket and throwing it over his left shoulder, Puck smirked in satisfactory as he swaggered down the hallway showing off his new tat feeling smug as people gaped, pointed and stared in awe at him. He knew he looked even more of a stud now then before Summer. (how it's possible falls flat on him) Over the Summer he had trained flat out and piled on 18 pounds, all muscle of course and tanned nicely. His dark wash low rise jeans hanging on his hips but tight on his ass, and the tight fitting plain white wife beater he was wearing show just how developed his bod was.

As he entered the cafeteria he let his eyes scan the room. He spotted Quinn and Finn sat with the Glee kids but there was no sign of Rachel. Shrugging he headed to the 'popular' table where the jocks and Cheerios sat and slid into a seat grabbing a burger off of Matt's tray and a can of coke from Mike's. Nodding a thanks that they'd picked him something up like he'd asked.

Immediately the table all chorused a welcome to him.

"Sup Puck." Mike grinned from his seat beside Britt, quickly leaning across and holding out his fist in which Puck bumped with a grin. "No way dude! Your tattoo's sick!" he added in awe. "I want one, but my Mom and Dad would kill me!"

As soon as Mike mentioned the tattoo, everyone immediately leaned over to peer at the marking and nodded in approval.

"Badass dude." One of the jocks, Jack Langathol, grinned.

"Listen dude you might be our new Quarter Back, but that don't mean we're your slaves!" Matt joked as he too bumped fists with Puck.

"Yeah yeah, I'll bare that in mind." Puck grinned, he and everyone knowing the statement was empty.

"Hi Puck." Brittany smiled.

"Looking good Puckerman. I see you've been working out." Santana quipped appreciably, but before Puck could panic he seen Matt lean over and peck Santana's cheek with a 'Not as good as me though right babe?' to which Santana replied 'Of course not baby!' Matt and Santana? _huh._

"Noah." Rachel smiled from her seat between Santana and Brittany.

"Hey Rach." Puck smirked. _WAIT RACHEL?_

"Rachel?" he voiced his thoughts with wide eyes, stunned at the site of the brunette beauty. How had he not noticed her before? And what was she doing here, at the popular table with San and Britt? Summer had obviously been good to Rachel_, _she looked _smokin'!_

"Yes?" Rachel grinned biting her lip, drawing Puck's attention to them. He also noticed Rachel had a fringe now._ Very nice.  
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"Er, what you doing here? Not that I don't mind or nothing, just shocked. You know, I've been looking for you all day." Puck leered suggestively.

"Puckerman do you want me remove your balls from you body? No? Then shut your trap. Rach has been with us all day, and it doesn't matter why she's hear really does it? She's _our _friend, if you got anything to say about it then I'd think fast." Santana snapped defensively.

"Yeah Puck, Rach is our friend now. She has been all Summer." Brittany chirped as she stole a handful of Mike's frys, cautiously looking over her shoulder, expecting Sue to be there with her mega-phone, before devouring them.

"Woah chill ladies. I was just curious." Puck laughed, though inside he was dumbfounded. _Santana, Rachel and Brittany were friends?_

"Yeah well, now your not." Santana replied with a smile. "We've been friends since Regionals actually. B's cool and smokin' hot so she fits in with us." Santana grinned directing the last part at Rachel who ducked her head as a blush creeped up her kneck.

"Yeah, and we all went to New York together for Summer! We've been best friends since Rachel dumped Finn." Brittany grinned.

Puck choke on the coke he had just sipped. "Berry, you dumped Finn?" he asked stunned, wasn't she supposed to be obsessed with him?

"Yes, whys that so hard to believe? Everyone keeps saying that, well the Glee members." Rachel pouted.

"Because your supposed to be batshit crazy in love with the goof?" Puck said dumbly, rasing an eyebrow.

"I'm not 'batshit crazy in love with the goof' as you so eloquently put it. If I were, then wouldn't I be dating him now?" Rachel mocked.

"Woah you just said shit!" Puck laughed getting side tracked. "But back to the point, yes you are! You practically stalked him your Sophomore year." Puck reminded, feeling jealousy boil as he remembered.

"What's the big deal about me saying shit?" Rachel asked. "And NO I did not 'stalk' Finn. Admittedly I was attracted to him, but I only pursued him when he was available not when he was dating Quinn, that was all Finn's doing." Rachel huffed in annoyance.

"OK what ever. I'm not going to argue with you when I know that I am right. So, why did you and Finn split then? And it's funny because you're Rachel miss goody-two-shoes Berry, aren't you supposed to like, not condone shit talk?" Puck laughed taking a bite of his burger.

Rachel snorted. "Oh please Noah, you're acting as if my split with Finn and me swearing is some juicy gossip. Which it's not!"

"A, you swearing is huge and B, _you_, who spent half her time up Finn's ass the past year, split with the dude. So yeah, it's gossip."

"OK I'll put it in words you will understand._ A_," Rachel said mockingly. "me swearing is not _fucking _huge, but you wouldn't know that because you spend most of your life up your own _fucking _ass. And B, my split with Finn is none of your _fucking _business." Rachel smirked. "Understand?"

"That's my girl!" Santana grinned high-fiving Rachel. _Seriously who does that now? _Puck thought annoyed.

"Damn Rach! You just owned his ass!" Matt barked in laughter along with Mike a few other jocks.

"What ever, I don't care about your split with Finn. I need a favour." Puck grunted, not happy that Rachel Berry had just humiliated him.

"Ew. What ever it is, no." Rachel said, her nose wrinkling.

"Not like that babe, get your head out of the gutter. But if you ever wanna ride on the Puckerone, you let me know." Puck smirked.

"Please, your one to talk." Rachel snorted. "And as appealing as the idea sounds, which is not at all, no thank you." she grinned.

"Just meet me in the choir room before Glee." Puck grunted as he stood from the table. "Later." he called as he left the cafeteria.

As Puck walked briskly through the schools hallway, he thought back to what had just happened. Rachel, Santana and Brittany were friends? Fucking crazy, since when? Well after Regionals apparently, but how in the hell had that happened? And then there was the fact that she was not only sat on the 'popular table' but everyone had seemed to gladly welcome her. They _all _seemed to actually like Rachel. Not that he could blame them, craziness aside, Rachel was actually a pretty cool chick. _Would he be trying to get her now if she wasn't? _And it helped that Rachel had seemed to mellow out and change her choice of clothing over the Summer. Puck believed Santana had helped with that. But the worst part? his plan didn't even work, hell he didn't even get the chance to use it.

The plan had been to simply charm her with his studly looks and words of wisdom. _Well that had gone out the window_.

It was time to bring in the big guns, metaphorically of course. And he knew just what to do. There's no way that this plan wouldn't work, know why? 'Cause A, he had come up with it. B, he was a stud and C? It was undeniably freaking foolproof and badass. Pulling out his phone, Puck hit number 6 on his speed dial, a triumph smirk on his face as he entered the choir room.

"What do you want now?" A female voice hissed through the speaker.

"Nice to hear from you too." Puck grunted sarcastically before the smirk reappeared. "So listen I have this plan, and I need your help..."

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Ok so now we're halfway through the small multi-short. I'm sorry if any of the character seem out of character, namely Rachel, but I hope the excuse I used kind of explains that. But on a better note! What do you all think so far? Like the new Rachel? What about the PezBerrittany friendship, you like? (A) And just who was Puck on the phone to? You'll have to review and read the next chapter to find out! Toodles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Puck's badass foolproof plan to get Berry.

**Rating: **M for language (namely Puck's potty mouth) and themes of a sexual nature.**  
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**Pairing: **PuckleBerry. MatTana. The 'Inns'. BrIke.**  
**

**Spoilers: **None. Set after Regionals**.  
**

**Summary:** Beginning of Puck's Senior year, he's about to start his badass rein as top dog, but one things missing: A nice sexy female Jew to be at his side. That's when he comes up with the perfect, badass foolproof plan... but isit as foolproof as he thinks or is he the fool? Slightly AU

**Disclaimer:** I acknowledge that I own nothing, just the plot for this story. If I did... Puck would be shirtless ALL THE TIME and dating Rachel!

**Note: **Thank you to those who added this story to their favourites, put it on their alerts or review. You are awesome. Here's chapter two, after this there shall be another two chapters and then it should be done. Might write it from Rachel's perspective. :)

**REMBER I HAVEN'T HAD THIS BETA'D BECAUSE IT'S ONLY SMALL. **Thank you :)**  
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**Part Three.**

Puck sat in the choir room with a smirk that could only be described as smug, as he checked his phone. There was fifteen minutes until lunch ended and Glee began, so Rachel should be here any minute. He _knew _Rachel would come, she was too curious not to show up. Hearing the door being pushed open and shut, Puck's smirk grew a little wider.

_Right on time. _he thought as he quickly dropped the smug smirk, instead deciding to offer Rachel a genuine smile.

"What is you wanted to speak to me about Noah?" Rachel asked as she pulled up a chair next to Puck and crossed her legs. Looking down he seen her jean clad thighs, and though they looked hot as hell on her, he missed the skirts.

"It's kind of embarrassing really." Puck said, hoping it come out awkwardly.

"Noah, you can talk to me about anything. You know that." Rachel said softly as she placed a hand on his shoulder. _Booya!_

"Promise you won't get mad and interrupt me before I finished?" Puck said as he lifted his head to meet Rachel's gaze.

"Okay.." Rachel agreed, buying the act.

"I _need _you to come over my house for dinner tonight. My Ma's been riding my ass about why my girlfriend hasn't been over yet an-"

"Girlfriend?" Rachel gaped with wide eyes.

"You said you wouldn't interrupt!" Puck reminded, and Rachel just nodded in response though he could see she was dieing to speak.

"As I was saying. My Ma's been complaining that my girlfriend hasn't come over for food yet, and that's where you come in. You see, it all began about two weeks into Summer break." Puck said dramatically. "My Ma was moaning at me saying that I had to stop my 'sinful whorish ways' and settle down, and that's all she's ever doing. So in a heat of the moment kind of thing, I told her I was dating you." Puck said, ducking his head for effect.

"Noah! Why would you do that?" Rachel shouted. _At least she's not mad as I was expecting._

"It's just since the whole Quinn getting knocked up with my sprog thing, she's been on my case 24/7." Puck said with some genuine sadness, he knew it was wrong to play the Beth card, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "Lectures, disapproving looks... the lot. And my whole life, I've been a disappointment to her and for once, I wanted her to look at me the way she does at my sister, Dani. To be proud of me for once you know? And what would make her more proud than me dating a gorgeous Jewish girl?" Puck said, adding some of the charm.

"Oh Noah. I don't know..."

"But to make matters worse, my Dad showed up this Summer. And I feel her staring at me with something in her eyes, resemblance. I know that's what it is, she thinks I'm as bad as him. That I'm just another male that has let her down in her life.." Puck sighed dropping his head in his hands.

"Your Dad's back?" Rachel asked softly, her hand squeezing his shoulder.

"Yeah he turned up at our door practically begging for forgiveness, and then he said he's come into a hefty amount of money so of course, my Ma let him in. I don't know Rach, it's weird you know? Since I was 9 years old, I've been thinking about what I'd say to him, or what I do to him when and _if _he ever showed up. But then seeing him, it's all gone. God, I was so angry and I wanted to kick the fuckers ass, but it's my Dad you know? And I know he was shitty and walked out on us after my Ma had Dani and left us struggling... but he's back now you know? And although the situations are nothing alike, I know I'd do anything to see Beth again, and do anything to make it up to her for giving her up for adoption. And fuck, my Ma? she's not been the same since he's been back, she's happier and more herself you know? her eyes fucking shine, and so do his. He's so good with Dani, and she's young, she still has the chance to grow up with a Dad you know? And not have to put up with dicks at school asking her why she doesn't have one. She's 7, she doesn't fucking deserve that. I never did know why he left, but Ma said something happened that wasn't her story to tell. It's just, he's back now. And he wants to get to know us, and fuck I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to get to know him too. Lifes too short you know? I'm not saying that I have forgiven him, because I fucking haven't, but I'm trying to. Not just for my Ma and Dani, but for me too. Since he's been back around, I finally get to be my age. I don't have to worry about babysitting unless their out on a date, I don't have to panic about providing for the family... It's good." Puck said truthfully and somewhat sadly.

_Why the fuck am I telling her this? this wasn't part of the plan! Is this what chicks call word vomit? Am I growing a vag? Oh fuck.. I'm a queer._

"Oh Noah.." Rachel gasped as she practically pounced on him and wrapped her arms tightly around him. And fuck, he actually had tears in his eyes. He'd finally opened up to someone, and he couldn't be more thankful that it was Rachel. At that particular moment, he didn't care about his rep, it felt good to be held while he vented. And though the tears didn't fall, a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I didn't know that." she whispered into his shoulder.

"No one does. I like to keep my shit to myself usually." he grunted, letting his chin rest on her head getting a whiff of her hair. _Freesia mmm._

"Firstly, your Dad is an asshole. And from what I can gather, you are _nothing_ like him. Just remember you wanted to be there for Beth, you were ready to stand up and do the right thing, it was Quinn who made the decision. You would have been a great Father, actually you are a great Father. You've been the Father figure in Dani's life, and although I've only met her once, it's so obvious how much she cares about, how much she idolises you. What you've had to put up with, take responsibility for, must have been so hard. But your smart, and you so strong! And it makes you who you are today. But you're doing the right thing in trying to forgive him; life _is _too short." Rachel said softly as she released him and kissed his forehead.

"God I feel like such a wuss. Thank you Rach, you know... for listening and being so cool about it." Puck said putting an arm around her waist.

"You are anything but a wuss Noah, in fact you're quite the opposite. And don't thank me, I'll always be here for you; you know that right? Now Glee starts any second, so as to not cause a much unwanted scene, lets go get a drink and some time to clear your head okay?" Rachel smiled.

"Sure. A Slushy sounds great." Puck smiled as he lifted Rachel off his lap, taking her hand as he led the way.

"Oh and Noah?" Rachel smiled coyly, almost secretly as Puck grabbed two large cups and began pouring their drinks.

"Yeah Rach?" he smiled back handing her a grape slushy, grinning wider when she pecked his cheek

"I _will come _over tonight for dinner. I'll call my Dad and tell him to not bother picking me up." Rachel grinned.

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There's chapter 3. What did you all think? So can any of you guess Pucks plan yet? And just _who _was he on the phone too? Oh, also I'm debating on writing a prequel, as to how Rachel, Santana and Brittany became friends. It will also include why Rachel broke up with Finn. I hope this chapter covered why Puck and his Mom were able to try and forgive old man Puckerman so easily. Honestly if I were in the same situation, that's how I'd feel. Toodles. :)


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